


It Was My Time to Die / Ghostinnit AU

by TheBooker



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Dead TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Everyone's sad, Gen, Grieving, It's okay though because they deserve it, Sad, Villain Tommyinnit (Video Blogging RPF), i don't know how to tag someone help me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:47:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29850720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBooker/pseuds/TheBooker
Summary: Tommy never thought he would have to resort to such lengths just to get back home. He thought exile would only be a week or two and then Tubbo would apologize and life would go back to normal!But now it was obvious. Death was the only way to escape this never ending circle, and if he was going, so would his country.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 71





	1. Chapter One

If Tommy had learned anything from Wilbur - Ghostbur, that is, - it was that memories are the most important things to keep in death.

It was a beautiful day, really. Rain had flooded through the area in the last week, raising the lake level to the point where the only remains of the beach were the neglected party decorations.

 _The party no one bothered to attend,_ Tommy bitterly thought.

After the downpour had slowed down to a drizzle and then disappeared altogether, the sun had finally shown its face, bringing its warmth with it. Bees floated from flower to flower, the golden pollen drifted down, sparkling against the late afternoon light. A slight breeze blew.

Tommy wished he could stay in this moment forever. It was probably the first time he had felt even the slightest bit of contentment since exile had begun. It wouldn't last, he knew. Soon Dream would walk through the portal not a hundred feet away, demand the destruction of his only form of protection, and he would have to start all over again.

That thought brought Tommy's attention to the item clutched in his hands. If he was going to die, he was going to make sure he didn't end up like Ghostbur, deliriously happy and forgetting. For the last week he had passed the time by writing everything worth remembering, something that he hoped would help the ghost version of himself.

 _If you even come back in the first place,_ a small voice in the back of Tommy's head reminded him.

 _No._ He pushed away the thought. _I will come back. Things will change, I swear on my dead body._

First, however, Tommy needed to find somewhere that he would be able to find the book, but not in a place where Dream might find it before he had the chance. He pushed himself up to stand and squinted around the small area he unwillingly had started to call home.

There was the main building of Logstedshire, where barrels upon barrels were stacked against each other. That was an option, but also one of the first places Dream would check. Somewhere else.

It seemed like the entirety of the place surrounded by logs was a bad idea, so Tommy moved his gaze to Tnret. Dream would definitely check there first, so a no go there.

It was only when Tommy realized that Dream would stop at nothing to find him here - including tearing it to the ground - did he come to the conclusion that there was an entire other dimension just around the corner.

His feet were moving before the thought had completely generated, the purple specks taking over his vision as he walked through the obsidian doorway.  
He felt the heat before anything else. It was almost overbearing, but with the sheer amount of time Tommy spent in the Nether, it was almost welcomed. Much better than the hellhole he'd lived in.

The after effect of the portal caught up to him, and he stumbled onto the rough, rocky netherrack. He shook his head to relieve himself from the dizziness before he looked toward the zig zagged pathway of wood he had called his screaming station. Tommy was never able to pull the sound out of him, no matter how many times he had tried.

Tommy made his way over to the sign. He had made this for the sole reason of letting out his feelings. It never worked, only succeeding in making him feel even more empty than he already was.

"Good riddance," He muttered, placing the book gently down beside the path. There wasn't much else to do. Tommy had already moved the few valuables he still had into his ender chest, his pictures of Tubbo placed right on top. All that was left to do was jump.

Tommy raced over to the cobblestone path, leaping over any holes that got in his way. The green arrows had mostly faded back into its original grey, only a slight tinge of the color left. He skidded to a halt once the portal inside the hub was visible through a blackstone opening. It was only then that he truly took in his surroundings. Lava poured from the Nether ceiling into the lake below, striders wandering aimlessly through the substance. No ghasts were in sight, thankfully. Piglins and Hoglins walked around, menacing looks on their faces. It... it was surprisingly peaceful, for the Nether.

Tommy knew these were his last moments, and he was determined to savor them. He remembered all the times he and Tubbo had laughed and joked and lived, not having to worry about war or responsibilities that had been pressed on their shoulders at too young of an age.

He thought about when Wilbur was just his brother, asking for song suggestions and opinions on his next song. Someone he could go to when he had a nightmare, or just needed comfort.

Now he couldn't even give him a hug.

Techno used to be someone he could look up to, a role model of sorts. To Tommy he could do anything, he could walk on the clouds if he wanted to!

That changed when he killed his best friend.

Phil had always been a father figure to him. He cared for him when no one else would. He picked him up when he was young and scared, offering him a place to stay. It had been home.

But then Phil killed Wilbur, and it all went downhill from there.

It was time to let go, to give him another chance at life with no restrictions. There would be no Dream to stop him from entering L'manburg, no one to tell him what to do. There would be no threat to his life, as he would already be dead.

Tommy glanced down at the enchanted compass. Ever since Ghostbur had gifted it to him, not once had he let it out of his sight. He had been heartbroken when Dream had told him Tubbo destroyed his, but couldn't bring himself to do the same. It was one of the last things he had of his best friend, a best friend he wasn't ready to give up.

He held the compass tightly in his hand as he shuffled closer to the edge. He wondered if the lava gave as good of hugs as Wilbur did. Well, he was about to find out, wasn't he?

The last thing Tommy saw before pitching over the bright, bubbling pool was the empty pathway he had fallen from.

Tommy fell.

And he fell with a smile.


	2. Chapter Two

Good thing, Tommy was a ghost! Bad thing?

It really fucking hurt.

Everything felt like it was on fire, like he was bathing in lava.

_That's a bit ironic,_ Tommy mused, but didn't quite know why.

His lungs felt like they were crushed, every organ in his body burst, brain like mush. Moving was a bad idea, as the feeling only multiplied by tenfold. For now, the best thing for Tommy to do was lay still and wait for it to pass.

Tommy, ever the impatient child, did exactly the opposite.

He forced himself into a sitting position, grimacing, before squinting around. He had hoped to see a familiar landmark, something to give a hint as to where he was. His eyes focused on a blurry image in front of him. _Tnret,_ a word forced itself into his brain, causing only confusion.

Tnret?

He shook his head, hoping the fog in his brain would clear enough to be able to see anything in front of him. Tommy moved to stand up, surprised that the pain was fading away as fast as it was. The worsening headache went nowhere, unfortunately.

Tommy staggered closer to the tent, stopping every now and then to catch his breath. The grass was overgrown and weedy, and clumps of dirt gathered in the tracks of his shoes. More buildings made their way into his view, a wall of stripped logs captured his attention.

Tommy felt like he should've known where he was, but despite his best efforts, all his mind pulled was a blank. Now that he thought about it, there was... nothing. No memories whatsoever, as if he had never lived at all.

The revelation caused him to trip over his feet, but he managed to catch himself on the fabric of the tent, only just stopping himself from bringing it down with him. He pushed the thought into the back of his head. _Something to deal with later,_ he promised himself. Right now, Tommy needed to focus on figuring out where the fuck he was.

Tommy peered through the flaps. A bed was pushed off to the right side, blankets messy and pillow on the floor. A photoshopped picture of the Queen was just above it, two people (one of which Tommy assumed to be him) resting on her shoulders. At the foot of the bed was a zombie head, for some reason. Two chests were placed on the floor to the left, one ender and the other normal oak wood. He decided snooping wasn't a good idea, after all, what if someone still lived here?

Tommy pulled his head out through the cloth and glanced back at the barricade that had confused him in the first place. However, once he was within touching distance, he flinched back. The area caused a feeling of instinctual fear, as if something would come out behind the doorway and attack. Tommy shivered. That emotion wasn't welcome. He kept moving.

It was only then that he noticed the purple film encircled by obsidian. It was strangely hypnotizing, and the swirls that drifted around the surface drew him in. He reached out to touch it, and his eyes widened when his fingertips didn't appear on the other side. The tingly feeling that accompanied it was strange, but weirdly comforting.

Tommy thought over the idea of going entirely through. On one side, he could appear in the middle of nowhere and be stuck there forever. On the other, maybe someone would be there to help him figure out what had happened. At this point, he was willing to take the risk.

Tommy closed his eyes, and ran through the portal.

\---

When Tommy hesitantly gazed into the new encompassing area he had fallen into, to say he was surprised would be an understatement.

It was so much different than the world he was just in, the color scheme being the most prominent difference. It was either red, orange, or a deep, almost purpley blue. The ground was rough and rocky, and while before the only limit was underneath his feet, the entire place seemed like it was an underground cavern system. Instead of water, there was a glowing liquid that seemed much more like home than it probably should have. The temperature took a rather drastic change as well, something that he would assume would feel blistering if he wasn't dead.

While he had been distracted by the strange world around him, something had started trickling down Tommy's face. When he reached out to touch it, his hand came back down holding the same thing he had seen in the lake below. Lava.

"What..." Tommy murmured to himself. He was pretty sure that wasn't normal.

It was as if his confusion set it all off.

Suddenly, tiny cracks started appearing on the palms of his hand. Tommy starred in rapt fascination as the cracks turned into cuts and then started spreading up his arms. If he were to look down, Tommy would see the same thing ensue on his legs and chest and neck and now it was _all over_. Lava and magma clumped and rushed from the blemishes and the tears came down faster, but not with water, but the same substance that was covering his body. Tommy was vaguely aware of his hair being on fire, as well.

Tommy stumbled forward in shock and disbelief, falling to his knees. _This couldn't be happening, right? Surely not,_ he tried to convince himself, but no, this was happening, this was his life now. But he was a big man! Tommy could handle this!

_But can I?_

Tommy glared down at the ground, clenching his hands into the crumbly rocks. While this may be a _slight_ setback, something to get used to, it wasn't going to stop him. It was lava, big deal! If anything, he could use it to his advantage in fights he might get into. He nodded to himself, and stood back up.

Just down the short cliff Tommy was standing on was what looked like a cobblestone path. It was worn down slightly, some of the edges close enough to fall off if someone stepped in the wrong place. Relief flooded his senses. The bridge was extremely out of place, which must have meant that there was some sort of civilization nearby.

He scrambled from the edge he was standing on down to the somewhat familiar material, making sure to be careful of his footing. While he knew he was a ghost, the fact that death might not be as lenient kept him from making a stupid mistake.

Tommy shuffled across the path, hands in his pockets. The magma didn't seem to have any effect on anything but his appearance, a grace of which Tommy was grateful for, for the sake of his clothing and everything around him. It was almost serene, the silence only broken by mobs in the distance. It was enough to get Tommy thinking.

_How long have I been dead? It doesn't seem like anyone's noticed yet, but why? Maybe I just haven't reached home, maybe people are just far away and haven't been able to see me. Why am I dead in the first place? What happened? Why are my memories gone? Why why why why why-_

Tommy stopped himself right before he almost walked off the edge of the path, right before he could've doomed his second chance at life before it had even started. Even though he had no heart, it was as if it had sped up. He caught his breath, placing a hand over his chest. _That would've been bad._

He dropped his head down for a second before tilting it back towards the ceiling. He sighed and peered to the right where the path continued. There, connected to the end, was a blackstone building. And inside the building, was another portal. Tommy's eyes widened and took a step forward, then another, and another and then he was running. Maybe this is the way home! Maybe he has friends and family who miss him, and he can get his memories back!

Tommy slowed down in front of the obsidian and looked up with bated breath. For some reason, a voice in the back of his head told him to _back up, go back, it's not safe,_ but that couldn't be right. This was his chance to find someone to help! Things could only get better from here.

Again Tommy inched his fingers through the portal, the sensation making him tingly. A flicker of a smile crossed his face, but disappeared just as quick. He was more confident in his actions this time, moving the rest of his arm through with no hesitation. Tommy could feel the cold on his hand, goosebumps traveling up his arm. It was weird, as Tommy thought ghosts could only feel diluted warmth and cold. Apparently he was wrong.

He shrugged it away. That wasn't important right now. Adrenaline filled his non-existent stomach, and with one last glance back, he stepped through the portal into a land he had been banished from, unknowing of the many consequences that one action had caused.

And now, the book that would have told him everything still laid on the ground. A sign burned above it, slowly falling apart into a clump of ash.


	3. Chapter Three

The last thing Niki had wanted to see was another ghost today.

Three days without storm clouds had been very rare in the last few months, and she was determined to make the most of it. Ever since the flower shop had opened up, she had decided that the garden on top wasn't enough, and started one of her own behind her cottage. Every day Niki took time to care for the plants. Sometimes, when released from any duties around L'manburg, she would read to them. It might seem insane, but it helped with feelings of loneliness.

Not many people paid attention to Niki, and only came to her for help or food from her bakery. Sometimes she had to shout to be heard, and even then people would talk over her and draw the gazes of the others back to them. It hurt, but she knew they didn't mean it. With the effort to keep L'manburg from going under, people like Tubbo and Fundy were supposed to talk, and people like her were supposed to listen. They were friends, and she loved each and every one of them dearly, but Niki felt ignored. So, her flowers became a source of comfort, something that would _listen._

That's where she ended up that day, reciting _Alice in Wonderland_ to the roses, as she had memorised it from the many times she had read it before. The sun was only just rising, it's rays spreading light to the reaching leaves. Dew covered the ground, giving the illusion that it had rained the night before, despite the fact that it had been clear enough to see the stars.

Niki swept her multicolored hair back over her shoulders and leaned back onto her arms. Her softly spoken voice drifted in the air, and she found herself reaching the end of the tale.

"Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how to keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her childhood; and how she would gather around her other little children, and make _their_ eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with a dream of Wonderland of long-ago; and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows, and find pleasure and all their simple joys, remembering her own child-life, and the happier summer days."

Sometimes Niki wondered if this was all just a dream, a fantasy her mind had created to escape. But then the weight of the wars and the fear would once again bare down on her shoulders, reminding her that this was her Wonderland, as much as it didn't feel like it.

If she thought about it however, her life was comparable to that of Alice's. Thrown into a world she didn't understand, taught that everything was black and white. Evil and heroic. It was her decision to pick which was which.

Dream was similar to that of the Cheshire cat, an enigma not there to be understood, but to _confuse._ He was there for chaos and misdirection, borderline manipulation. However, he was also the Queen of Hearts. Everything under his control, or nothing at all.

_Off with her head._

Niki might have an image of - somewhat - innocence and glass-half-full, stuff like that, but she understood more than anyone that this supposed "freedom" wasn't what it seemed. Dream had made that clear when he had forced the exile on Tubbo, giving him no choice but to abandon his best friend.

He never accepted L'manburg, and never will. He will always threaten the safety of the country, either until they surrendered back to Dream SMP, or until it was burned to the ground.

Niki shut her eyes tightly to rid herself from her overbearing mind. Right now, she'll enjoy the serenity and peace of the present, and worry about that later. It wasn't worth the constant stress.

A butterfly fluttered past her face, and she sighed before picking herself up. It was time to start the day.

She strolled back into the cabin, grabbing a to do list she had written the day before. She flicked through the coarse pages, stopping at the most recent bout of handwriting with neat, tiny boxes waiting to be check marked.

Niki squinted at the scrawl, wondering how tired she must have been for the letters to resemble chicken scratches. Thankfully, it was legible enough to make out quite a few of the more important lines of text.

Make a carrot farm beside flower shop. 

She sighed. Multiple complaints had come into recent conversation that the trip in between L'manburg and places like the Community House and Eret's Castle was a long one, and people often did not have enough food to sustain themselves. If you were to ask her, though, they really just wanted to expand the land of the new nation, as the only consistent talkers of the subject were Quackity and Fundy. But of course, Niki was the one that had to fill out the request.

_It's okay,_ she assured herself, _as long as it's something to keep me busy._

And so she set out, carrots, a hoe, and materials in her pack, slung around her shoulder. She took her time, waving to anyone who might cross her path, basking in the warmth of the morning. The Community House was in sight now, haze slowly becoming solid. She pushed past the set of doors and moved over the multitude of crafting benches, then through the doorway on the other side of the building.

Niki stopped right before the flower shop and surveyed the surrounding area. To the right the land dropped off to the ice cream shop, and to the left there was a bit of open space, but then a line of buildings started up, leaving little space in between for a farm.

She sighed. The left would have to do. If she planned it correctly, she should have a relatively large area for planting.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Niki sat down heavily on top of a composter, gazing out at the long plot of land taken over by carrot seeds. It had taken her a while to build up the amount of soil she needed, and another hour meshing the bits and pieces of cobblestone to keep it compact.

It had only reached noon, sun high overhead. Time to grab something to eat, Niki decided. She hadn't had the most fitful breakfast that morning, and the grumbling in her stomach was enough to make her regret that decision. Thankfully, her bakery was only just a couple hundred blocks away. **(I'm sticking with Minecraft measurements because most of the people in this probably use the metric system, which I don't know. Just a heads up :) )**

The sound of warm bread and cookies was enough to get her back on her feet and in the direction of New L'manburg. She passed under the water-filled walkway and by the chess set that had sprung up in the last few weeks. Climbing over the obsidian walls that had yet to disappear, Niki made her way to the town square of L'manburg, the emptiness and lack of playful shouting that usually accompanied the area a stark difference than what she was used to.

The emptiness, at least, until she saw a shadow of a person right in front of her.

At first she thought it was Ghostbur, returning from his visit to Techno's house (he wasn't good at keeping secrets, and she learned that pretty quickly). But it wasn't the normal beanie and flowy, yellow sweater that he usually adorned. Instead, there was a white T-shirt with red sleeves and tan khakis with several holes in it, as if they were born in the wild-

Oh.

Oh no.

_"Shit."_


	4. Chapter Four

"Tommy, what are you doing here? What _happened?_ " Niki rushed forward, hands hovering in front of her as if she were afraid to touch him.

The apparition turned to her in surprise, but the expression quickly melted into delight. "You know me?"

Her eyebrows furrowed, "Of course I know you, why wouldn't I?"

That's when the realization set in. Niki's eyes widened, and she stumbled back on unsteady feet. _He was like Ghostbur. He didn't remember._

She glanced up at Tommy's worried gaze, and her resolve hardened. Those thoughts are for later, he comes first.

"What do you remember, Tom?"

The ghost worried his lip in between his teeth. "Well, funny story actually... I- I don't think I have any of my memories," His eyes lit up, "but that's why I came here! I thought, 'there's gotta be someone here that could help,' you know? And- and here you are!"

It was silent for a second, before what he had told her registered.

"You don't- what? No you've got to have something. Even Ghostbur had his happy memories, why don't you?" Niki was still hanging onto the desperate hope that this was all a joke, and Ranboo or Tubbo would come out to reassure her that Tommy was doing perfectly fine, and nothing had happened to him.

"Oh, who's Ghostbur? Is he your friend?" Tommy drifted forward, excited eyes meeting hers. She nodded hesitantly, and he beamed.

"That means there's more people here! I can make new friends! Tubbo's my friend, we used to watch the sunset together, it was really... who's Tubbo again?" His smile became uncertain, and he turned to her as if looking for some kind of approval.

Niki held her breath for a few seconds before letting it out slowly. Tommy really didn't have anything, did he? He couldn't even remember _Tubbo,_ the person he had known his whole life.

"I need to sit down," She voiced breathlessly, staggering to the stairs that lead up to Ranboo's house. Oh, she wished someone were here to help her with this.

Niki stared down blankly at the planks underneath her feet. She could feel the concerned look Tommy was giving her, but paid him no mind. He sat down next to her feet, criss cross like a little kid. The innocence in his eyes was new, and only reminded her of what this child had been through to get him to this point. She missed the shouts and screams that always accompanied his being, and how loud the server had been before he was banished off to the middle of nowhere. He was alone, with no one but Dream for company. Dream, the guy who had threatened his home a plethora of times, never giving them a break. Dream, who didn't hesitate to push and pull until they broke. Dream, who-

Dream.

Alone with Tommy.

No one to stop him from doing things no one would even _think_ he was capable of..

Dream.

_Dream._

He had been the one to do this. He was the reason Tommy was here right now, faded and grey instead of with Tubbo, laughing and roughhousing in L'manburg. He was the reason everything had gone to shit here, leaving nothing but half of the people that used to be full.

Niki's eyes narrowed, a fire ignited that no one was going to put out. A deep hatred pulled in her gut, a want to rip Dream a part, even if it killed her. God dammit, Dream was going to pay for what he had done.

"Niki?"

A weak voice pulled her from her head, eyes shooting up to meet Tommy's. He flinched back, confused fear clouding his face. Niki reached towards him in an effort to help calm him down, but he moved away, looking at her outstretched hands like he was a caged animal.

She softened - she hadn't realized she was tense in the first place - opening her palms in a gentle manner. She wanted him to know he didn't have to take them if he didn't want to. If he needed to pull away, he should feel free to.

"Hey, I'm here now. Sorry for that, I was just thinking," Niki winced at the excuse, but he seemed to take it.

"It must have been quite the thought then, huh?" Tommy's laugh was shaky, but he grabbed onto her hands anyways. She gave them a soft squeeze.

"Yeah, I guess it was. How about this, we can deal with your memories later, because it seems like you would much rather explore. Who knows, we might just find this Tubbo of yours."

He looked at her with unbridled happiness, gripping her hands - Niki was surprised he was able to have a full grip as a ghost - and pulling her up. He dragged her a few steps forward, before coming to a halt and turning his head back at her, a sheepish look crossing his face.

"...I don't know where to go," Tommy muttered.

Niki let out a laugh, though it was tinged with sadness. She shouldn't be sad, he had said he didn't remember anything. She shook her head in exasperation, taking the lead.

"Okay, this is L'manburg. It was your home for a long time, Tommy. You fought for it, and even sacrificed some of your most important items. It was really brave of you, buddy."

He stared in awe at the buildings towering around them, winter decorations having yet to be taken down. "Was I cool?"

Niki's gaze wavered, "You still are cool, Tommy."

The statement was rewarded with a large beam, dull eyes sparkling a bit at the praise. She returned the smile. She hadn't even told him the half of what he had done, only giving an explanation that wouldn't overwhelm him. A traumatised ghost was not what she needed right now.

Niki gestured towards the many towers looming above them, "You actually built a lot of those. No one knew why, but you loved them."

Tommy's head craned back to get a good look. He spun around, hovering a bit, staring at the round structures.

"Woah..."

A small gasp left his mouth, and he shot forward, leaving Niki to catch her footing. He hid them behind a nearby stand, moving the fabric in front of them. Hand clenched onto the wooden pole, Niki gave Tommy's a questioning look.

"Who's that?" He hissed.

Niki moved the thin cloth from her face, squinting to get a good look at whatever had caught the boy's attention so quickly. In the distance, a ram-horned president walked down the Prime Path. 

Her mouth opened in an O shape, "That's Tubbo."

"Oh. Um, Niki, I'm not sure I want to meet him quite yet. He seems like a fantastic person, don't get me wrong, but I don't think I'm ready." Tommy stammered, curling in on himself.

"I'm not sure you have a choice now, Tommy," She put a comforting hand on his shoulder, "He's only a couple feet away, I'm not sure we'll be able to get away in time.

"Right now, before he gets here, I need to tell you a few things. Tubbo doesn't know that you're dead. You were both incredibly close, so he might not be the happiest to see you like... this. You've got to give him space, alright? Be gentle."

Tommy glanced at her with an unsure expression, before nodding. She sighed.

This was going to be a ride.

The pink-haired woman got up, Tommy floating beside her, restless energy almost oozing out of him. Tubbo was entering L'manburg, and the sudden movement brought his eyes to them. A tired smile was placed on his lips, a crumbled suit bathing his body in material far too big for him. He raised his hand in greeting, before stopping as he noticed that Niki wasn't alone.

The grin dropped with his hand, and he stood in dumbfounded silence.

"Tommy? What are you doing here? _How_ are you here?"

So he hadn't noticed yet. Niki let a breath pass through her lips before meeting Tubbo's eyes.

"Tubbo, look hard at him. What's different?"

She could see the instant he realized. Tubbo stepped back, tears quickly forming in the corners of his eyes. He wiped them away before they could fall. His breath was uneven, and his body took an unnatural tremble as he stared at the new ghost in town.

"No, this isn't real. You're pulling something on me, aren't you? Surely not, _surely not-"_

Niki looked down, standing rigidly. It told him everything.

A broken sob left his mouth, and she caught in a tight hug before he could collapse onto the walk-way beneath him. He dug his head into the crook of her neck, unintelligible words and sentences leaving his mouth in gasps.

Clinging to her sweatshirt, the boy forced to grow up too quickly mourned the loss of his best friend, the last thing he had left to live for.

He knew that this obvious show of emotion towards someone he had exiled was going to be looked down upon, but at that moment he didn't care.

All he wanted was to have Tommy next to him again, familiar spark in his eye, causing mischief wherever he could manage. He wanted to go back to time when he could be himself, not this façade he put on everyday. He wanted his family back, unbroken and happy, but that couldn't happen. He was stuck in this nightmare of a world, with no one but himself for comfort. His mind filled with possibilities that were far gone now. Right at his fingertips but never in reach.

The back of his mind reminded him that he shouldn't be this weak right now. He needed to suck it up before someone saw.

It went ignored.

For now, he let himself feel. He let himself have a few minutes to cry for a friend, a brother, an _exile,_ before picking up the pieces and putting himself back together.

Because that's what Tubbo did, right? He would keep pushing forward through every obstacle, even if it hurt. He forgot that he was only a child in favor of making people happy, and fighting for what other people believed in, even if he didn't care for it at all. That's what he did.

And who's to say this will stop him?

(He was only a kid...)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andddd that's all I have so far! Hopefully I can work on the pacing...
> 
> Also, I would like to thank Cypherr for helping me figure out how to get things like bold and italics, it's a lot easier now :))
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> -Selhara

**Author's Note:**

> Started this on Wattpad, thought I would bring it here :)
> 
> Also, I need some help. How do you use italics? I looked it up, couldn't find anything helpful...
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> -Selhara


End file.
